I recently finished this screenplay for a short film in December 2006 and have sent it out to a few production companies in the hopes that they will enjoy it and agree to produce it for an upcoming film festival. So far the response is positive, although if they produce it I believe they will change the title. Hopefully I will be cast in one of the leading roles. Keep your fingers crossed. Email me and let me know what you think of the screenplay.
Reilly
is seen walking down the street to work with a suit on.
Suddenly a car drives by and splashes a huge puddle of water on him.
Reilly
lets out a yell.
Jesus
Christ!
He
looks down at his wet suit and reluctantly turns around and heads back to his
apartment to change.
Reilly
walks into his bedroom and starts getting changed.
As he’s getting dressed, he thinks he hears a noise coming from his
living room. It sounds like the TV,
but he thought he had turned it off.
He
finishes getting changed and heads for the living room.
Reilly
walks into the living room and is shocked to see his ex-girlfriend sitting on
the sofa.
Kate,
what are you doing here?
Hi
Reilly, how are you?
Kate
picks up the remote and points it at the TV as she presses the power button.
Reilly looks at the TV and sees the title of a movie start to play.
It’s called “The Life Of Reilly”.
Reilly
looks at the TV and then turns to look at Kate as he exclaims:
What
the hell is going on?
As
he says it he sees that Kate is no longer sitting there.
Sitting in her place is a man who is actually the devil in disguise.
How
are you doing, Reilly?
Who
the hell are you?
Lucifer
(calmly)
Your
expressions are very appropriate.
Tell
me what you want! What is going on
here? Is this some kind of joke?
I assure you this is no joke. Unfortunately for you.
What
do you want?
This
is all about your life, Reilly.
What
are you talking about? Where’s
Kate?
Kate’s
not here. That was just a little
trick I pulled to get your attention.
Well,
it worked.
Have
a seat. I have a little video to
show you.
Not
until you tell me who you are and what this is all about.
Well,
allow me to introduce myself. I go
by the name of Lucifer. At least
that’s what my friends call me. Others
call me Beelzebub, Satan, Mefistofeles and even The Prince of Darkness.
One of my personal favorites. I
am royalty after all.
Lucifer?
As in the devil.
Lucifer
(angrily)
I
dislike that name. It is sooo…common.
What
kind of sick joke is this? I want
you to leave my house right now!
I’m
afraid I can’t do that quite yet. I
need to show you a little video first.
I’m
calling the police right now.
Reilly
heads for the phone and dials the police. We
hear the police woman’s voice on the line, but when Reilly speaks, nothing
comes out of his mouth. There is a
look of horror on his face as the realization of what is happening hits him.
Cat
got your tongue? You might as well
hang up.
Reilly
slowly puts the phone down.
Do
I have your attention now? Oh, by
the way, you can speak again.
Reilly
(scared)
What
is going on here?
Just
relax. I’m not here to take your
soul. At least not yet…
What
do you want from me?
I
told you, I have a little video to show you.
This
can’t be happening.
I
assure you. This is real.
Reilly
(calmly)
Okay,
I’ll watch your little video.
You
seem calm all of a sudden.
Well,
I just realized I’m dreaming. So
I might as well play along.
Suddenly
the devil reaches over and pinches Reilly really hard.
Reilly
(cont’d)
Owww!!
Why did you do that?
I
was just trying to wake you up. Did
it work?
Reilly
(painfully)
No.
That hurt.
I’m
sorry. Well, maybe not.
Ahh ha ha.
You’re
hilarious.
Satisfied
that this is real after all?
Alright,
I’m satisfied. Just tell me what
you want.
Well,
unfortunately for you, you have reached your 666th sin of your life.
And that means you get to spend the rest of eternity with me.
You
can’t be serious. There’s no
way I’ve sinned 666 times.
Oh,
I assure you, you have.
There’s
no way. I haven’t been that bad.
It
adds up quick. You’d be
surprised.
But
what could I have possibly done to have sinned 666 times.
I’ve led a pretty good life.
That’s
what the video is for. To show you
all your sins.
I
don’t understand.
Well,
it’s like this. As soon as
someone goes over 666 sins, they no longer go to heaven.
They come to visit me in hell, for a very, very long time.
Why
666?
His
holiness and I negotiated that number. That’s
why 666 has always been associated with me, although most legends attribute the
origin of the number to the wrong reasons.
But
what about forgiveness.
It’s
overrated. Once you hit the magic
number. You’re pretty much doomed
to suffer in hell. That’s why
I’m here today.
That
doesn’t make any sense to me. There’s
no way I’ve sinned 666 times. I
just got out of bed. What could I
have possibly done today?
You
took the name of the Lord in vain.
Lucifer
presses play and a scene of Reilly saying “Jesus Christ” after he gets
splashed with water comes on the TV.
You’ve
got to be kidding me? That counts
as a sin.
As
he turns to Lucifer, he sees that he has changed form once again.
Oh
yes indeed. That was one of my
greatest achievements. I’m quite
proud of myself for that. Business
used to be slow. Back in the dark
ages, when I was negotiating for myself, business was slow.
Then I came up with that whole “Thou shalt not use the Lord’s name in
vain”. God agreed to it because
hey, who was really using the Lord’s name in vain back then.
But after his son was born, I started that whole “Jesus H. Christ”
phenomena, and convinced people to use his name when they were swearing.
The rest, as they say, was history.
People were sinning left and right.
It’s been hard to keep up ever since.
I
just can’t believe I’ve sinned that many times. Even with that being a sin.
You
should be happy. Most people
don’t make it out of college before they get a visit from me.
So
why are you here? Are you taking me
to hell now?
No,
no. No need to worry yet.
This is just part of the negotiations I had with his lordship last time.
You see, I’m required to visit each person and show them the error of
their ways. That way, they have the
rest of their life to atone for their sins and try to get into the “Kingdom”
of heaven.
So
I’m getting a second chance. That’s
great. I’ll be a better person.
I’ll never sin again.
Lucifer starts laughing hysterically.
Reilly
(cont’d)
What’s
so funny !?!
Ahh.
It’s just that I haven’t told you the funny part of it all.
What’s
that?
Well,
after I’ve left, you will forget all about this visit and go back to your
sinning ways.
What?
What the hell is the point of all this then?
Well,
like I said, the almighty put it into our contract.
Well
what’s the point if I’m just going to forget about it.
It’s
just a little loophole in the contract that I’m exploiting.
I tell you about your sins, but then I erase your memory of the visit.
Didn’t
God notice this little loophole.
No,
I had good representation.
Well,
how could you have better representation than God.
I
had Johnny.
Wow.
That’s unbelievable.
He
was worth every penny. Now, are you
ready for the video. This banter is
becoming tiresome.
I
guess I have no choice.
No.
Not really. Let’s start it
again.
Lucifer
presses play on the TV and the video starts.
The video plays like a movie trailer, starring Reilly.
The camera fast forwards through what looks like a series of incidents in
Reilly’s life. Reilly just sits
there stunned as he sees sin after sin fly through the screen.
Hey,
stop the tape. What’s that?
That’s
you taking cheese out of the fridge.
Are
you kidding me? How is that a sin.
I’m just a kid taking cheese out of the fridge.
Well,
it was your mom’s cheese, and you stole it.
That’s
absurd. I was just a kid.
That isn’t stealing.
I
beg to differ. Your mom distinctly
told you not to have any snacks before bed.
And you went out and maliciously stole her cheese out of the fridge.
But
that’s not stealing. I love my
mom, I would never steal from her. That
should not count.
If
it’s any consolation, his holiness almost turned it over on appeal.
I
should hope so. I should get
an appeal.
Yes,
but it’s already been done. I
give his worship the list at 665 and then he signs off on it. He let it stand on a technicality. Basically, you technically stole from your mom.
But
doesn’t he take his time to review them?
Oh
he reviews them all. But he’s
fast. He is the Lord after all.
But don’t worry, he’s fair. Take
my word for it.
The
devil winks at him.
I
still can’t believe this.
Reilly
looks at the devil and sees that he has changed appearance again.
Let’s
continue shall we.
Could
you stop doing that.
What?
Changing
your looks. It’s very unsettling.
You
mean more unsettling than finding out you’re going to Hell?
Sorry, but I get bored with just one look.
Lucifer
hits play and the video footage continues.
This time the devil presses pause after a short period of time.
Why
did you stop?
I
just had to take another look at your ex-girlfriend.
Kate?
Why? Is she going to hell as
well?
Well,
I don’t usually comment on other people’s sins. But let’s just say that there’s a better than decent
chance I’ll get to visit with her soon.
He
starts to laugh hysterically again.
Stay
away from her.
What
do you care? Isn’t she the one
who broke your heart in a million pieces. If
I’m not mistaken, she’s solely responsible for quite a few of the sins
you’ve committed.
I
don’t care. She’s a good
person…
Reilly
trails off as he says it. Lucifer
looks longingly at the screen.
I’m
going to do things to that ass for the rest of eternity that would make Caligula
squirm.
Please!!
(pause) Who’s Caligula?
What?
You don’t know who…?? Forget
it. He’s just a friend…
Lucifer
smiles a wicked smile.
Can
we just get this over with.
Hey,
no problem. I’m the one in a
hurry. I’ve got places to be.
As
the movie continues to play, Reilly jumps in with a comment.
Hey,
why are we back to my childhood.
I
used to play it in order, but that was boring.
So now I jump around a lot when I play it. “Thou shalt play the sins in order” isn’t in our
agreement. Makes it more
interesting to mix it up. Kind of
like a movie. A movie of your
life…
Lucifer
says this last line very sinisterly.
I
always wanted to be in the movies…
Lucifer
(laughing)
That’s
good. I kind of like you, Reilly.
It’s too bad I have to condemn you to eternal damnation.
The
movie ends and the credits start to roll. Reilly
looks over at the devil and sees himself sitting there looking at him.
Jesus…
Reilly
looks away as he makes the exclamation.
That’s
667.
He
laughs hysterically again. Reilly
looks back at him and he has returned to his original form.
Please
don’t do that again.
So,
any more questions? I’m
unfortunately obligated to answer them all.
But
I still don’t understand how this works?
What about forgiveness? What
about people who have never heard of God. What
about people who are raised to be evil…
He
appears as Reilly again.
Ah
yes. That old chestnut…
Stop
it!
The
devil returns again to his original form.
Testy,
aren’t we?
Well,
what about all these people who aren’t raised to be law-abiding citizens.
That’s
why we have the number system. It
doesn’t discriminate on religion, upbringing, or anything else you can think
of.
It
still doesn’t seem fair.
I
don’t make the rules. Oh wait.
I do make the rules. But
I’m still not changing them. It’s
working well for me.
You’re
full of it. You’re the devil.
The devil. You wouldn’t
know the first thing about following rules!
Look
who’s talking. This from the man
who has sinned 667 times. If you
were really a good person, wouldn’t you be out raising money for charity.
Wouldn’t you be out helping the homeless.
No, not you. You’re too
caught up in your own little world to do good for humanity.
You think I’m bad, but you’re cut from the same mold. You people all make me sick.
You all think you’re angels, but inside you’re just the same as me.
You’re greedy, vain and vengeful.
You claim to love God and believe in him, but do you really?
If you really believed in God, I mean truly with all your heart,
wouldn’t you act differently every day. Wouldn’t
you do everything you could to improve mankind.
Wouldn’t you help your fellow man in every way you could. But no, you don’t.
Because deep down, you never really believed in God, did you?
People don’t believe in heaven. Because
if they did, they would never sin. But
they do sin, they sin everyday. Because
I put that little seed of doubt in their heads.
And they start to think that maybe there isn’t a God.
That’s all it takes, that little seed of doubt that I create.
And then they start to sin. I
love it.
(He
licks his lips.)
You’re
sick.
I’ll
take that as a compliment. But now
it’s time for me to go.
Lucifer
stands up.
Good
riddance.
I’ll
see you soon.
Lucifer
snaps his fingers.
Reilly
suddenly snaps to attention and looks around like he doesn’t know what he’s
doing sitting down in his living room. Lucifer
is gone, but Reilly has no memory of it.
Reilly
has a sudden urge to call Kate. He
picks up the phone and dials.
Kate
is seen lying on her bed. The phone
rings and she sleepily reaches for it.
Hello?
Kate.
Hi. It’s Reilly.
What
do you want?
Hey,
uhhh, just wanted to see how you’re doing.
Kate
(somewhat angrily)
I
told you not to call me like this anymore.
I’m sleeping. Goodbye.
Kate
hangs up and the scene shifts back to Reilly’s apartment.
Reilly
is seen talking into the phone.
Kate?
Kate? For Christ’s sake!
Reilly
slams down the phone.
All
of a sudden he hears a voice booming in the background.
668.
Reilly
looks around confused. He thinks he
must be crazy to be hearing things.
Suddenly
he looks at his watch as he remembers why he is back at home.
Oh
no. I’m going to be late for
work.
Reilly
grabs his coat and heads out the door.
The
scene shows a close up of Kate’s face as she is back to sleep after hanging up
the phone. The camera pans down
slowly to her bare legs. We see a
man’s hand slowly caress her legs, up past her panties and along her back.
As
we get to the top, the camera continues to the man’s face as he is lying
beside her.
Lucifer
looks straight into the camera with a smile and then gives us a wink goodbye.
The
end.